Done

Done: no longer happening or existing.
“her hunting days were done”

Social media and I have had a bit of a falling out recently. I’ve not blogged for ages and have taken a bit of a step back from Twitter. I’ve been mulling over this a lot, and whilst I haven’t definitively come to any particularly conclusion as to why this is, I’ve certainly realised a few things.

Social media is a very powerful tool. It influences millions – sometimes positively and sometimes in not such a positive way. When I first joined Twitter I was breastfeeding a newborn baby and enjoyed stalking celebrities at 3 in the morning. Then, as PND took it’s hold for the third time, I frantically used it to find people going through the same thing, either to convince myself I wasn’t ill or to reassure me that you can indeed survive on very little, if not no sleep. I was becoming obsessed with confirming all of the things I thought in my very poorly head and whilst Twitter, blogs and forums provided some comfort and helpful suggestions there were also a lot of dark and dangerous things on there. I read some things I didn’t want to read and saw pictures that once seen, can never be forgotten.

Thankfully I have very wise friends and family who helped me channel my energies and into getting better and starting a blog. Wonderfully cathartic, it felt amazing to be able to write openly and honestly about things I was experiencing. Chats on Twitter were fun, supportive and honest, and some of the people I have met through Twitter and blogging are truly amazing. But recently, I’m beginning to wonder if it all offers a bit of a false sense of security. Some people claim they can only be themselves on Twitter, that they cannot be real in real life and that all of the friends they have are virtual ones. And some say that when they have a problem – sometimes an extremely serious problem – Twitter is the only place they feel they can go for help. Help from people who are not experts. Who do not actually know the person in distress, do not know their triggers or their history – in fact they know nothing about them at all. And I see people offering advice about babies they’ve never seen, giving mental health advice to suicidal people, and becoming outraged for someone they’ve never met, only ever hearing one side of the argument.

Now I’m obviously not saying don’t ever go to social media for support and advice – my goodness no it can be a wonderful place and so many people and organisations on there are doing amazing work for smashing stigma, supporting sufferers of mental health and aiding new and overwhelmed mums, and that’s wonderful when it’s done properly – but sadly social media lets anyone join, and when you’re vulnerable and fragile you can easily take the wrong advice, from the wrong person.

The deeper I have gone onto the world of blogging and social media, the more disillusioned I’ve become. In some parts it’s a hugely supportive and comforting group of people, yet in others it has cliques, comment rings and a whole load of ‘you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours’ shenanigans I had no idea existed until recently. Some people deliberately provoke, whilst others constantly seek attention. Some blog from the heart, and some do so for ratings and to up their stats. The lives and personalities people project online are often very different from their reality – even mine. It has all increasingly unnerved me over time, and do you know what? I don’t think I can do it anymore.

I’m tired of Twitter arguments. I’m sick of the monthly scoring system which seems to drive everyone bonkers and become totally competitive. It’s exhausting. It’s draining. And it can be extremely upsetting at times.

When I started blogging it saved me and has quite literally turned my life around. I was able to find my voice again after an evil illness. I found new confidence through writing and having people read, comment and enjoy my blog. It has opened doors to me that I never dreamt possible and the future is so unbelievably exciting for me right now. But I do feel I’m done. I’ve reached a point where I’ve no more to give with ‘mummy blogging.’ I don’t want to review endless products; the power of trusting your instincts as a mum has become so wonderfully recognised by so many; and writing about PND is about to happen in a novel. Put simply, my writing and I have moved on.

I will still write, I will always write (and tweet!) and I may even start a new blog all about that. But for now – with heartfelt thanks to all the blogging community has given me and to every single one of you who has read my blog – I’m trusting my instincts, and I’m done.

18 Comments on Done

  1. Mummy Says
    June 23, 2014 at 6:29 am (6 months ago)

    Well said, and I’ve enjoyed reading. Hope your break is good for you x

    Reply
  2. emilytealady
    June 23, 2014 at 6:51 am (6 months ago)

    You have so many exciting things happening, focus on the future. I have loved reading this blog, and meeting you for real. Keep in touch, I want to read your book!

    Reply
  3. Eleanor Foster
    June 23, 2014 at 7:57 am (6 months ago)

    Love this Jen! Concentrate on what’s important and I cannot wait for this novel to come out! So true in everything you’ve said. Hope to see you soon again x

    Reply
  4. Sarah
    June 23, 2014 at 8:33 am (6 months ago)

    I read this nodding my head in agreement all the way through. The most common sense post I have read in a long time x

    Reply
  5. ktbtw
    June 23, 2014 at 8:33 am (6 months ago)

    I can completely understand where you are coming from and it makes sense that you want to close this chapter, especially since you have such exciting, new adventures a head of you! I’ve always loved reading your blog and meeting you in person was brilliant, you are a lovely lady =] Goodbye and good luck x

    Reply
  6. Mummy Glitzer
    June 23, 2014 at 10:10 am (6 months ago)

    Like Emily said, you do have so many exciting things lined up. I love how your blog has grown with you, it has changed direction and I love that, as ever, you are trusting your instincts. You have helped me in so many ways. xx

    Reply
  7. Kirsty Hijacked By Twins
    June 23, 2014 at 11:09 am (6 months ago)

    I love the honesty in this post. I wish you all the best for the future x

    Reply
  8. Katgrant30 (Bumps & Grind)
    June 23, 2014 at 11:10 am (6 months ago)

    The future is so exciting for you Jen – I can’t wait to read the novel! :)

    Totally understand your decision with the blog – best of luck with the new writing adventure! X

    Reply
  9. Beth
    June 23, 2014 at 11:54 am (6 months ago)

    You have my support which ever path you chose to take. Totally reading this with a nodding head after ever point…
    Can’t wait to read your novel x

    Reply
  10. ghostwritermummy2014
    June 23, 2014 at 1:00 pm (6 months ago)

    I am nodding my way through this post. I started my blog after my son’s traumatic birth and it was a way for me to sort out the muddled emotions in my head. I didn’t even publish the posts at first because they weren’t for anyone else to read. I’m glad I did though, as I have made friends and connected with people who also suffered birth trauma. I have also been able to provide comfort to others, which means more than anything else. My blog has also given me an income and I have to say that while I agree and understand your motives for being done, I don’t think I could turn my back on it all. I HATE the stats and the rankings and the ‘if your face fits’ thing. But that isn’t why I started writing, and like you my blog is not the only writing I do. It is not my world. It is not all that I care about. I get very irritated by seeing people stressing about blogging stuff over real life. I don’t understand it at all. I say that if you are done, then fine. Your life constantly moves and it sounds like you have some very interesting and exciting projects coming up. Good luck with it all!
    x x

    Reply
  11. Samira
    June 23, 2014 at 1:08 pm (6 months ago)

    I’ve started reading your blog ever since I followed you on twitter! I love, love how honest you are. Enjoy your break. xx

    Reply
  12. tiasmum12
    June 23, 2014 at 1:38 pm (6 months ago)

    As always, a brilliantly written and very powerful post. I nodded along with most of it, I’ve removed myself from all scoring systems and I’m completely changing my blog so it’s more “me”
    Good luck with your novel, and I’m pleased you won’t stop writing.

    Reply
  13. Victoria Welton
    June 23, 2014 at 4:46 pm (6 months ago)

    Jen, you are a fantastic lady and brilliant writer. Whatever direction you decide to take, I have every reason to believe it will be a success. Stay true to you. It was great to see you at the weekend :) xxx

    Reply
  14. Hannah
    June 23, 2014 at 6:33 pm (6 months ago)

    Yet another blogger leaving being it for good or just a short time or popping in an out, such a shame. You have so much to look forward I love your blogging and wish you all the best for what’s around tr corner x

    Reply
  15. mummyofboygirltwins
    June 23, 2014 at 7:33 pm (6 months ago)

    I hope your new venture is everything you want and need, and good luck x

    Reply
  16. thesecretfather
    June 23, 2014 at 9:01 pm (6 months ago)

    The time is obviously right, this blog has served its purpose. Good on you for moving on. And very excited for you and your next adventure. Be sure to let me know if you set up a new blog. Really enjoyed reading this one, would love to check out your new one. Good luck. Xx

    Reply
  17. WallyMummy
    June 24, 2014 at 6:43 pm (6 months ago)

    I know what you mean about the twitter bitching… I sometimes watch it all kicking off and think jeeez… prob why I shy away from putting too much of myself out there TBH x Good luck with your new adventure xx

    Reply
  18. jude
    June 25, 2014 at 8:36 pm (6 months ago)

    Hi Jen, it was so lovely to meet you very briefly at Britmums. And I’m really sorry to hear you won’t be blogging as instinctive mum anymore, as I loved this blog, But big respect for listening to your instincts. Good for you girl! Keep on with the novel and please consider sending it to me when you’re done, at Britain’s Next Bestseller @BNBSbooks – you have a talent and deserve writing success! Would love to be part of your writing journey. Keep in touch and all best wishes. I have a feeling this won’t be the last we hear from you! Jude xx

    Reply

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