Archive of ‘parenting’ category

Building Memories

Memories: The mental faculty of retaining and recalling past experience. The act or an instance of remembering; recollection: spent the afternoon lost in memory. All that a person can remember. Something remembered: pleasant childhood memories.

Lives together,
Yet often apart.
Separated all day,
Joined by five hearts.

Goodbye in the morning,
Gone all the day.
Home-time, bedtime,
Sometimes away.

Holiday different,
Together at last.
Memories building,
Like my childhood past.

Same beach as then,
Twenty-five years on.
Father not here,
Fourteen years gone.

Memories built then,
Still vivid and clear.
Just like it was yesterday,
And he somehow near.

A family then,
When I was the child.
As the parent now,
New memories are filed.

Time away important,
A chance to rest.
Recharging spent batteries,
Time out with the best.

Laughter and love,
Five of us as one.
Living and loving,
Memorable fun.

Different culture,
Wonderful sights.
Days on the beach,
Long, lazy nights.

Precious time together,
My family, my world.
Breathing in new memories,
My heart forever will hold.

Prose for Thought

Guest Post: Ancestors

Ancestor: An ancestor or forebear is a parent or (recursively) the parent of an ancestor (i.e., a grandparent, great-grandparent, great-great-grandparent, and so forth). Ancestor is “any person from whom one is descended.

This is another wonderful guest post for whilst I am away en France! This time it is from the lovely @raspberryswirls. She used to blog and this post makes me wish she still did…because it’s brilliant!

One of the wonderful things about the summer holidays is that I get to be at home with my 13 month old son, R. I miss this time so much when he’s at nursery and I’m at school. I spent the other morning sat with a cup of tea, just watching R play and explore. He was trying very hard to make his bricks balance on top of each other and it wasn’t going so well, possibly due to the fact that he was trying to do this on a cushion – not the most stable of bases. His little face was set in such a pose of stubbornness and concentration and for one brief moment, he looked so much like my grandma that it took my breath away.

My grandma was, for the most part, a cheerful, gentle Scotswoman. However, the genial exterior hid an inner determination and focus that she could use to move mountains, if needed. You always knew when Gran had decided ‘something was going to be done’ as her eyes slightly narrowed and her lips slightly pursed…it’s very hard to describe her exact expression, but trust me, once her face showed it, you knew STUFF WAS GOING TO GET DONE. Whether that was getting donations from companies to support her charity fundraising, or simply getting me to do the washing up, it worked. I know from talking to my mum that when Gran received the news that she had breast cancer, she fixed that steely look of immovable determination onto the consultant, took a deep breath and simply asked, “So. What are we going to do about it?”

It was quite a surprise to see that distinctive expression on my young son, but I didn’t think anything of it till the other night. I was pondering what to write for my guest blog while ‘Who Do You Think You Are?’ was on in the background. Nigel Havers was exploring his family tree and discovered that one of his ancestors was a bit of a cad, a role he has played many times during his acting career and he said something about how these genes get handed down and affect the next generations without us knowing.

These ideas of ancestry and inherited characteristics have always fascinated me. Through choice, I have never had any contact with my real father or his family; therefore there has always been a large part of my personal ancestry missing. This has never really bothered me, as I am so much like my mum that we could be twins, so I’ve never had any curiosity as to what made me ‘me’ – I’m essentially a carbon copy of her. Mum’s always answered any questions I had about my father openly and honestly, so I know that he was very tall, hence me being slightly taller than the rest of my family, and he was a musician, which explains why I’ve ended up as a teacher specialising in music, despite there being no previous history of musicians on my mum’s side.

Despite never having met my real father, blood will out, as the saying goes, and these traits have shown up in me. I do believe that there are certain things that are inherent in our genetic make-up that get passed down through the generations, traits that go beyond chromosomes and DNA. It made me think about R, his family history and the little personality he is becoming. What will he inherit from us? What will be unique to him? How much of his ancestral past will shape his future?

Physically, R resembles his paternal side. He is the absolute image of my father in law, but seems to have inherited his height from my side. His personality so far seems to be a mix of both me and my partner; he has his dad’s laid back and calm demeanour and my confident, gregarious nature. He adores music, and according to his nursery, shows a natural sense of rhythm. This isn’t a great surprise, both his grandfathers and his dad are accomplished musicians and I’m a music specialist teacher. Is this early love of music nurture, nature or a combination of the two? He’s certainly been exposed to lots of music and singing, so it’s part of his day to day environment but I like to think that music is hardwired into him, part of the genetic code that is in every cell of his little being.

Genetics are not the only thing that gets passed down. Family traditions and histories follow and shape us as we grow into adults. We chose R’s middle name to honour his Great Uncle, a man he’ll never meet, but whose name he will carry for the rest of his life. If R had been a girl, his middle name would have been Anne, like me, my mum and my grandma and every girl born into my family have been named for as far back as we can trace using the family Bible. I don’t know who the original Anne was or why the name holds so much importance to our family, but I continue to honour her memory, and so will any future daughters of ours. I’d one day love to find out who this woman was, and why her memory has echoed 150 years down our ancestral line.

We are responsible for forming our children, physically, emotionally and mentally. They develop according to how we nurture them, what influences we expose them to and those threads of our family histories and ancestors. Whether we mean to or not, our parenting choices are influenced by our own parents, who in turn were influenced by our grandparents, and so the pattern goes through the generations. I think it’s awe inspiring that when that microscopic sperm and egg meet, it’s not just physical characteristics like eye colour that are passed on, but hundreds and thousands of years of our ancestry and family history combine to create these walking hopes and futures that are our children.

Travel

Travel: Travel is the movement of people between relatively distant geographical locations, and can involve travel by foot, bicycle, automobile, train, boat, airplane, or other means, with or without luggage, and can be one way or round trip.

In the car,
A long way to go.
Are we nearly there yet?
For the millionth time ‘no!’

Turning left,
Then straight on.
Missed our turning,
Gone very wrong.

Children are bored,
Whinging and grumpy.
Bum is numb,
Road is bumpy.

Chocolate, treats,
Keep them happy.
Music on,
Oh no! Smelly nappy!

Play eye spy,
read or sleep.
Distracted for seconds,
Attention must keep.

Kilometres, miles,
Long way to go.
Sometimes drive fast,
Roadworks, drive slow.

Pins and needles,
Sat for too long.
Packed full of bags,
Room for us…none.

Destination, arrival!
French bread and wine!
Holiday begins now,
Stinky cheese is all mine. 😉

This poem was written with the help of my 12 year old daughter during our long journey to our gite in France!

Prose for Thought

Travel

Travel: Travel is the movement of people between relatively distant geographical locations, and can involve travel by foot, bicycle, automobile, train, boat, airplane, or other means, with or without luggage, and can be one way or round trip.

In the car,
A long way to go.
Are we nearly there yet?
For the millionth time ‘no!’

Turning left,
Then straight on.
Missed our turning,
Gone very wrong.

Children are bored,
Whinging and grumpy.
Bum is numb,
Road is bumpy.

Chocolate, treats,
Keep them happy.
Music on,
Oh no! Smelly nappy!

Play eye spy,
read or sleep.
Distracted for seconds,
Attention must keep.

Kilometres, miles,
Long way to go.
Sometimes drive fast,
Roadworks, drive slow.

Pins and needles,
Sat for too long.
Packed full of bags,
Room for us…none.

Destination, arrival!
French bread and wine!
Holiday begins now,
Stinky cheese is all mine. 😉

This poem was written with the help of my 12 year old daughter during our long journey to our gite in France!

Prose for Thought

Identity

Identity: In psychology and sociology, identity is a person’s conception and expression of their individuality or group affiliations (such as national identity and cultural identity). The concept is given a great deal of attention in social psychology and is important in place identity.

Recently I had the pleasure of meeting the lovely Pippa from Story of Mum. at Britmums Live. She was very busy at the front of the venue taking photos of us mums for her website. If you havent already heard about it, this is what her wonderful website and this blog post is all about…

As mothers, it’s not often that we feel seen, heard and valued. Yet our everyday stories matter, and sharing them can inspire others. Story of Mum: Mums making an exhibition of ourselves is a touring programme of exhibitions and events in galleries and online that aims to put mothers in the spotlight.

The exhibition celebrates motherhood, explores the impact of mothering on our identities, and encourages mums worldwide to share their stories in words, photos, collage and film.

Find out more at http://www.storyofmum.com/exhibition.

Parallel to the real life events, a virtual exhibition is travelling round the world, stopping for mini exhibitions on blogs – like this one!

Participants are asked to choose one item from the existing exhibition, create one item to add to the exhibition, and share their thoughts on these and their identity in motherhood.

And without further ado…here is my exhibition!

I Curated This

What a choice of things to curate! I have spent hours looking through the website and much as I had a wonderful time looking at all of the creations so far, choosing one for my post was incredibly difficult! I got lost in the memorable moment of mum section for quite a while and wanted to curate everybody, such wonderfully moving posts! In the end I settled on a beautiful video from Stephanie at Storybramble.com from the My Mum-Story. She said in her post that she found it incredibly hard to choose just ten photos to capture her story as a mum and I completely understand how difficult this must’ve been, but the photos she has chosen are amazing and she narrates the video beautifully. You must watch her amazing video here.

I Created This

I decided to make my creation from the Mama Mash-Up section, as I guess that since becoming a mum my identity has been a bit mashed up! At first, as indecisive as ever, I chopped up 6 different pictures that I felt represented my identity as a mum. Two of them were pictures of my favourite quotations, one was a picture of my children, one a picture of my family and close friends and the other two photos were pieces of artwork I had made.

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A bit of a mess as you can see, which is exactly how I feel sometimes if I’m honest! I then decided to intertwine all of the photos as all of them are intricately interwoven in my life.

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But finally, I followed the instructions (for I always get there in the end!) and created this masterpiece for the exhibition from a photo of my children, and a painting I did of some flowers I bought. I’ve entitled it Creations and Creativity.

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I love it, and it’s like me…not quite perfect and a bit fragile (couldn’t find any glue to stick it all together!) yet it works! I love that I have created three beautiful children…and that I can still be creative.
story of mum exhibition
BritMums - Leading the Conversation

I’m a BRITAX Mumbassador!

BRITAX: Is a UK-based manufacturer of automotive safety equipment. It began making automotive safety equipment and accessories in 1938, and to import car and motorcycle accessories. During the 1970s, Britax began making childcare safety products, primarily child safety seats and strollers.

If you saw my tweets last week you will know that I am so proud to announce that I am now a BRITAX Mumbassador!

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BRITAX are a world famous brand offering fantastically safe and stylish products for you and your family. BRITAX offers the latest state of technology so you know your child could not be in better hands. They sell a wide range of products from car seats to baby carriers, from pushchairs to bike seats.

I am so excited to have been given the opportunity to work with BRITAX and help readers of my blog keep up to date with the latest in car seat safety, offer fantastic competition prizes, and hopefully some honest reviews of their brilliant products!

So keep an eye out for all of the above on my blog and check out my tweets @InstinctiveMum!

Collaboration

Collaboration: Collaboration is working with each other to do a task. It is a recursive process where two or more people or organisations work together to realise shared goals, this is more than the intersection of common goals seen in co-operative ventures, but a deep, collective, determination to reach an identical objective.

So, yesterday was another day. And another debate that has divided Twitter into two camps….those who teach, and those who don’t.

Regularly teachers are criticised, condemned and blamed for everything from too much sex education to giving children chocolate. We are admonished for having too many holidays, too much time off and yes…of course we finish work at three fifteen every day!

Yesterday’s debate started with talk about taking holidays during term time. This is an argument for which I can see both sides. As a teacher it’s a sodding pain in the arse when one or two of your class aren’t there for a fortnight. They miss whole concepts. They miss precious bonding time. They miss routine, being part of a school community and so much more. However, I can also see it from the viewpoint of a parent, why should we have to pay extortionate amounts to take a holiday? Why should we be dictated to and only be allowed to go away at certain times of the year or risk a fine?

But what has got to me today, is that even though it is NOT teachers who have made up this ridiculous law, it is teachers who are being blamed and condemned for it. Being a teacher is endlessly frustrating and for every parent who thanks you for being an inspiration to their child there are a million others quick to criticise. We are criticised for working children too hard, for not working them hard enough, for being too firm, for being too lenient. It is a very very difficult job to meet the individual needs of 30 children, but it’s a hell of a lot harder meeting the needs of their parents.

And I know, I KNOW, that YOU are their parents and I can hear you screaming at me through my computer. But so many parents don’t trust us to do what is right for their children, they don’t listen. The media and Gove don’t bloody help either, but I can assure you that all we are ever trying to do is what is best for your child, each and every single one of them, every single day. I am very aware as a teacher that children get one shot at school and they deserve their shot to be the very best. Sadly though too many people don’t respect teachers, which in turn results in children not respecting teachers. If the parent doesn’t support the school, then naturally it feeds down.

Anyway, I digress. The debate was about holidays during term time. In my own personal opinion I think family holidays are so important. Time when you can be a family with no pressure of work, commitments or school. To explore other countries, learn new languages and immerse yourself in new cultures. And I would argue that travel firms, who I know are businesses and will therefore function like one, create divides by upping their prices dramatically during the holidays which sadly out prices holidays for many people. I should know, I don’t get a choice and can only go away in the school holidays! I think there are certain times in the year when a holiday in term time could, maybe be ok, at the end of term for example and I DON’t agree with schools fining parents if they take their children out unauthorised during term time or the new law one bit. And what frustrates me more than anything is that everyone blames schools when it’s the sodding government who are responsible for the half the shit we have to do anyway. It is not schools who are banning packed lunches, it is not schools who are banning holidays!! It is the government who are proposing all of these things.

I’m not saying that education is perfect at the moment, far far from it, (that’s another post!) but every single teacher I know could not be more passionate about their profession. Could not be more motivated and enthusiastic to provide children with the best possible education they can. Most teachers at my school get there at half past seven in the morning and have to be thrown out of the building by the caretaker at six o’clock, then only to take masses of work home and sit and do it all evening. And before someone comments that there are some rubbish teachers in the world then yes, you’re right, there are, we can’t all be perfect, but thankfully they are in the minority. Many, many teachers are parents themselves and do for every single child in their class what they would expect a teacher to do for their children. I have become so attached to the children I’ve taught in the past that at the end of the year I have been in tears at the thought of not teaching them everyday the following year.

I just wish for once that parents and schools could work as teams, we’ve all got children’s best interests at heart after all. The whole holiday in term time debate is just another angle for which teachers can be criticised from. It’s such a shame. If we all had a report card about collaboration I imagine it would say…..could do better.

I have also written a post about Gove’s proposed longer school days and shorter holidays which you can read here.

The Madness Before School

Madness: The quality or condition of being insane. See Synonyms at insanity. Great folly: It was sheer madness to attempt the drive during a blizzard. Fury; rage. Enthusiasm; excitement.

The Madness Before School

Mum where’s this, mum where’s that?
Where’s my coat and where’s my hat?
Where are my shoes and where is my book?
Where’s my school bag I can’t find it? LOOK!

I can’t find my pencils, mum where are my pens?
I’m going to be late now, late for my friends!
Mum I need some food, mum I need a drink,
I can’t find my glasses now where are they? THINK!

My tie has gone missing, my key’s just not here,
I left it there I know I did, mum is it near?
I need my PE kit, mum where is my purse?
Why can’t I find them, have you moved them? SEARCH!

I’m off now mum I’ve found all my things,
When you pick me up can you my dance stuff bring?
I don’t know where my dance stuff could be,
Think it’s in my room, I’m not sure. SEE!

The door slams shut, the children are gone.
Enjoy the peace but not for long,
The husband appears, says where are my keys?
Where’s my laptop bag can you find them, PLEASE?

All of things things are here, use your eyes,
They’re under your feet, they’re on the sides,
Organise yourself the evening before
Then you’ll search and panic no
more.

Prose for Thought

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#wednesdaywords

Another week, another Wednesday and another instinctive quote from me! The quote I have chosen this week was actually stolen from Facebook this morning, (yes I do occasionally drop over to the dark side lol!) It isn’t so much a quote about instincts, but an important quote that encourages us to remember that parenting is different for each and everyone of us and our babies are all beautifully unique. Instincts and love are natural and powerful things which help us travel along the wonderful, yet challenging journey that is motherhood!

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Crazy

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